It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
