so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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