She bit a glass in half.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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