Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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