I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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