She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
