I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
