My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
