She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
