I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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