I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
