I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
