I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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