It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have already put on my inside pants.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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