Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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