it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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