And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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