Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
