Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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