Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
