11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
