Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
