i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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