Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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