worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
