I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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