she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
