I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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