I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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