All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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