Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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