halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
