he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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