bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
