this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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