Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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