Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
