ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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