True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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