You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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