arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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