HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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