if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
