I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
