wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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