We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
