ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
