you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
