I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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