If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
