Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
