SEEEEXXX PLEASE
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
