hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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