what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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