So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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